


Invaluable

by skinscript (Infie)



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M, mcshep match 2013
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-30
Updated: 2013-09-30
Packaged: 2017-12-28 02:23:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/986561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Infie/pseuds/skinscript
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Somewhere there's a secret verse to the book of Revelations, and it describes that the first sign of the apocalypse is Rodney McKay saying 'You would have been better off if I hadn't come'."</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Invaluable

* * *

**Part 1: The Court of Revelations**  
 _"Somewhere there's a secret verse to the book of Revelations, and it describes that the first sign of the apocalypse is Rodney McKay saying 'You would have been better off if I hadn't come'."_

* * *

"The database indicates that PX4-635, also called Ophalore, was a fairly thriving civilization at one point, but the MALP is showing the area in severe disrepair." Rodney said, circling the gate designation on the powerpoint presentation with the tiny red dot produced by his newest toy; a laser pointer shaped like a Doctor Who sonic screwdriver. John couldn't decide whether to be more amused or irritated by the whizzing noises and Rodney's evident glee.

"Doctor McKay." Clearly Woolsey didn't have the same issue. "Please set aside the toy so that we can all focus."

"Give it to me," Ronon put out his hand with a grin.

"Never!" Rodney tucked it against his chest protectively even as he shut it off. 

"I could just take the hand too," Ronon bared his teeth.

"You wouldn't do that," Rodney told him smugly, flipping the pointer on and off rapidly. "These are valuable hands!"

"You could do ok without one," John contributed, deadpan.

Rodney snorted. "My hands are an important part of my thinking process, thank you very much." He used the laser to point to his temple and almost put his eye out. "And my thinking process is invaluable." 

Teyla grabbed the laser pointer from him and set it carefully on the table in front of her, ignoring his indignant exclaimation. "Please continue," she said through gritted teeth. John grinned as he remembered that Torren had been playing with the pointer all night; Teyla was probably hearing the high-pitched whine it made in her nightmares.

Rodney sighed and carried on with the briefing. "This location seems to have been considered a primarily spiritual place for the Ancients to go. The entries show that the gate is, unusually, set inside a building that the inhabitants built specifically to hold it. Apparently, immediately outside is a courtyard designed for meditation. The database is specific that this area is ideal for 'self-examination', or so the linguists insist. They called it the Courtyard of Revelation."

Teyla lifted an eyebrow. "That sounds fascinating, Rodney." She sounded surprised. "Genuinely fascinating, for me or perhaps for the anthropology team. I don't understand the attraction, though, for you."

John was confused, too. "Yeah, that doesn't really sound like your usual speed." Woolsey simply clasped his hands in front of him and waited.

"Well," Rodney beamed at all of them. "I agree, meditation, boring. But! Perhaps we should ask ourselves, what topic were they meditating _on_?"

They all stared at him, until Ronon shook his head. "How about we just ask you, McKay, and speed this whole thing up?"

"They were meditating on, among other things," Rodney paused dramatically, "increasing efficiencies in the construction of ZPMs."

Woolsey straightened. "Do you have reason to believe that the results of this research are at the site, Doctor McKay?"

Rodney waggled a hand in the air. "Probably better to say that we don't have reason to believe that they didn't. Regardless, clearly we should investigate." 

Woolsey smiled at him ruefully. "Fair enough. Colonel Sheppard, you have a go."

Twenty-four hours later, they stepped through the gate onto Ophalore. True to the MALP's readings, the once huge vaulted room was a ruin, with stone columns stabbing like stiffened fingers into the sky. The rubble from what had once been the roof littered the ground in large chunks of what looked like granite.

"Nice place," Ronon muttered, picking his way towards what had probably been the entrance.

"I think it may have been quite lovely, once." Teyla leaned close to examine the surface of one of the columns. "These seem to have been painted." John looked too and hummed his agreement. 

Rodney had his face buried in his hand-held. "I'm not reading much in the way of power signals." He looked up long enough to find Ronon at the doorway and to head straight for him. "Might be affected by the building though." 

They disappeared outside.

John exchanged a wry smile with Teyla before they followed. 

The old courtyard opened in front of them with verdant splendour. Teyla caught her breath at the beauty of it, and John had to agree that it was incredible. Pink and gold stone with white inlays comprised the three-foot-square flagstones, and the perimeter for the yard was made of matching fine columns with a low wall linking between them. The columns had stone projections that arched over the yard. The sky was a deep rich blue above, making the pale columns stand out with hyper-clarity. Flowering vines covered much of the wall, climbing up the columns and dripping from the arches in a profusion of colour. The courtyard contained no benches or seats. In stark contrast to the gate room, the whole place looked pristine. 

"Wow," John finally managed to say. 

Ronon had crossed the courtyard and was studying the wall intently. "Don't see an obvious exit," he announced loudly enough for them to hear him. "Must get to the rest of the city through the gate room."

Rodney was waving the hand-held around, apparently trying to get a line on the energy readings he was looking for.

"The stones, John," Teyla pointed to their feet. "They have writing on them."

"Rodney, any idea what they say?"

Rodney lifted his head and looked down intently, then dropped to his knees to get a closer look. "This one seems to contain directions for entering a meditative state," he said slowly, leaning over to the next stone and examining it. "Each of these stones was etched with some kind of acid, then chased with what looks like…" He poked at one of the lines with the hand-held, "Naquadah. Holy crap."

"Can you tell more exactly what it says?" Teyla dropped to one knee, running a reverent hand over the letters.

"Is it going to blow up?" John took a step back.

"Yes, and no." Rodney shot John a glare. He turned back to Teyla with a sniff. "It says…' The source of all truthful knowledge is contained within'." He frowned. "Maybe that means that the information is kept right here. Maybe the stones, or at least the naquadah in the stones, are a kind of solid state storage." He punched at the face of the hand-held. "Or maybe the naquadah just provides the power, and there's technology below the stones." He turned his attention back to the stone he knelt on. 

Before he thought, John said, "Maybe you just need to think it on."

Rodney blinked, then beamed at him. "Let's give it a shot, shall we?" He closed his eyes and said a string of words in Ancient.

The lines in the stone burst into light, glowing so brightly John could see them through the black fabric of Rodney's pants. Rodney took a deep breath and slumped as if all the tension in his body had drained out of him. He didn't sway or threaten to fall over – he simply knelt and breathed. 

Ronon reached him in four long strides, but his outstretched hand bounced off of some kind of barrier that sprang up around the perimeter of the stone. "Ow, fuck!"

"Off," John shouted, concentrating with all his might. "Off, damn it!"

Teyla was kneeling in front of Rodney's slumped form. "I think it has placed him into a trance state," she said. "I believe he has activated the stones to their original purpose." She looked up at John with a mix of hope and fear in her eyes. "I think we must let it continue. We don't know what harm interference may cause."

Reluctantly, John nodded despite the thrum of his pulse screaming at him to do something. Anything.

"Call back to Atlantis," he told Ronon curtly. "See if anyone found any other information on this place."

Before he could obey, the barrier went down and Rodney drew a deep, shuddering breath. It sounded like a sob. "Oh, god." Rodney's face was pale, his eyes wide and unseeing. "Oh, my god."

Teyla grabbed his arm. "Rodney! What is it? Are you all right?"

Rodney blinked rapidly. Slowly he turned to look directly at John. His words rang through the courtyard like a bell, landing heavily in John's stomach.

"You would have been better off if I hadn't come."

John blinked. "Wait, what?"

Rodney heaved himself onto one knee. Ronon gripped his elbow, steadying him. "You would… you would have been better off if I'd never come." He bowed his head and struggled the rest of the way onto his feet, swaying like he was drunk, shaking Ronon off. Teyla rose slowly, her face wary. 

John found his hand on the butt of his gun, fingers curling around the metal and plastic reassuringly. "What, here?" he looked around for a threat, seeing nothing. "Is this place dangerous?"

"No." Rodney closed his eyes and pressed his hands to them. "No, _Atlantis_."

"Don't be ridiculous," John said. "You're the biggest brain in two galaxies, remember? Invaluable to the expedition?" Rodney jerked his hands down and shuddered, turning even paler. He looked at John with an expression so terrible that John took a step back reflexively. "Rodney?"

Rodney took two staggering steps to the side, fell to his knees, and vomited violently.

"Rodney!" John grabbed the back of his vest to stabilize him. "Ok, we need to get back to Atlantis, right now. Lets get Carson to check you out." Rodney wrenched himself back to his feet, twisting loose from John's hold. 

"Yes," Rodney declared tightly, wiping his mouth with the back of one trembling hand. "I need to get out of here, right now."

* * *

**Part 2: The End of the World**  
 _"I'll bet Atlantis would have done just fine without Rodney McKay."_ \-- Peter Kavanaugh

* * *

"Are you absolutely sure that the device didn't physically affect Doctor McKay?"

Woolsey sounded strained, and John could certainly understand why. Rodney had come through the gate and had gone straight to his quarters after his examination, then had written his resignation and emailed it to Woolsey within fifteen minutes of leaving the infirmary. Naturally, that had earned him a return visit, and Carson was still keeping him there under observation.

Carson's voice sounded vaguely tinny over the intercom. "I'm as sure as I can be. I've run every scanner we have over the daft bugger, and he matches his baseline in all respects." 

"Run it again, Carson," John didn't quite recognize his own voice. From the look Teyla shot him across the conference table, she didn't either. "You know it had to do something for Rodney to be demanding to leave Atlantis."

"Aye, I do." There was a long pause, and John could picture Carson taking a deep breath. "But whatever it did might not be physical. I don't know that we'll find any reason to keep him."

"For now, run the tests again, please," Woolsey said.

"Of course. I'll begin now."

If Carson started now and the scans revealed no change then they'd be that much closer to Rodney stepping through the gate to Earth. John's stomach clenched around the weight that hadn't left his chest since Rodney's bizarre declaration on the planet. He opened his mouth to demand what the hell the hurry was.

"I'd suggest that you wait for a while, Carson," Teyla said calmly. "Perhaps Rodney will feel differently after some rest. He was quite ill on the planet. It's possible that if there is a physical influence it will only become apparently after some time."

John could hear Carson's grin. "Aye, good idea. I'll put him in isolation and let him get some sleep."

"I feel sick too," John blurted out. Woolsey, Ronon and Teyla turned identical expressions of disbelief on him. "I really do," he protested. In his own defense, he really did.

"You'd better come down too then lad," Carson said, concerned. "We'll run you through the scanners and see how you're doing against your baseline."

"I'll be there soon as the briefing is done," John agreed. "I just want to hear what Radek found in his research."

Ronon stuck his head out the door and waved Radek in. 

"I have very little new information for you," Radek didn't waste any time getting to the point. "The Ancient database discusses devices like those you encountered on Ophalore. They were typically used, as Rodney postulated, to act as storage devices. They were used to project and maintain memories or thought processes." He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "They could also be used as a kind of meditation device, leading a user through a particular thought process or logical progression, to help the user draw conclusions or relive an event."

"What about the ones we saw?" Ronon demanded. "What were those ones doing?"

"Based on Rodney's research they were built for triggering trance states and for saving the results of the thought processes which resulted." Radek shrugged. "I can find nothing that suggests why Rodney has reacted as he has. I will return to the database and see if I can discover more."

"Thank you, Doctor Zelenka." Woolsey closed his portfolio and rose. "It begins to seem as though Doctor McKay's wish to resign may simply be genuine."

"No, it's not," John barked as new nausea rose in his chest. Woolsey jumped. "Sorry," John muttered, fighting it back down and running a hand through his hair. "But it's not. No way."

"I agree," Teyla said. "Rodney would not willingly leave us."

"Not unless he thought it was for our own good," Ronon said thoughtfully. 

"It couldn't be," John replied angrily. "Rodney leaving could never be good for us." _For me_ , a tiny voice in his head said.

"While I believe that Atlantis would survive without Doctor MrKay, I nevertheless agree," Woolsey said, waving John ahead of him through the doors. "But Doctor McKay may not."

* * *

"So," John swung his legs against the frame of the gurney, enjoying the annoyance factor of the banging sounds as he leaned on his hands. He couldn't keep the anger out of his voice. Truth be told, he didn't really try. "You want to resign."

"I want," Rodney said stiffly, "for you to go away."

"Not going to happen." John jumped down and started to pace slowly around the perimeter of the isolation room. He refused to examine the sinking sensation in his stomach too closely. 

"John." Rodney sat up on his bed, swinging his legs over the side and grabbing John's arm as he passed. "Please."

John stopped walking but didn't turn to face him. Rodney's hand felt hot against the bare skin of his forearm. 

"I know, believe me, _I know_ that this is hard for you to hear." Rodney said softly. "I shouldn't have come in the first place."

"That's bullshit," John gritted out. 

Rodney choked out something that could have, on another day, been a laugh. "Two days ago I would have agreed with you." He pointed at his forehead. "Biggest brain in the galaxy, right? Of course having it here would be the best thing. I'm smarter, faster, _faster_ , and so I have to be invaluable, right?" He shook his head. "Wrong, wrong, wrong."

"What happened to you on the planet?" John swung around to glare at Rodney full-face.

Rodney looked away. "I don't want to tell you," he said.

"Well, tough shit," John said. "No more of this coy crap. Spit it out. What happened?"

"I…" Rodney blinked hard, then looked him straight in the eyes. "I experienced the Courtyard of Revelations," he said, "and my eyes are opened."

"You can't leave." John stepped closer. His fingers closed over Rodney's wrist. He could feel the warm skin, the rush of blood underneath his fingers. That tight feeling in his chest released ever so slightly, and he tightened his fingers to feel the strong bone, the flex of ligament under his thumb as Rodney shifted in place. Rodney still had hold of John's arm with his other hand, but he wasn't trying to get away. "I can't let you." _Revelations_ , his brain supplied wildly, _End of the world_.

"I don't think," Rodney stopped, swallowed hard at whatever he saw in John's face. He took a deep breath then continued doggedly, chin lifting in that stubborn tilt that John… loved. That he loved. "I don’t think that you can stop me."

_The end of **my** world._

John blew out his breath and released Rodney's wrist. Two long steps took him to the door of the isolation room and he wrenched it open. "I will," he promised on his way out. Teyla scrambled to her feet from her seat by the door to fall in behind him. He ignored Carson's half-hearted attempt to slow him and made it to the gateroom in two minutes flat, Teyla at his heels. Woolsey met him on the steps to the command platform.

"I need to go back to that planet," John declared, "right goddamned NOW."

* * *

"Do you know what you are looking for, John?" Teyla asked.

 _A way to convince Rodney to stay,_ he thought plaintively. He couldn't imagine Atlantis without Rodney. He couldn't imagine _himself_ without Rodney. "No," he answered her curtly, striding through the ruined gateroom as rapidly as the broken stones allowed. It was sunrise on Ophalore and the red-gold light streaked through the holes in the walls like a laser field. 

"Very well. Then we will search together," she stated firmly. 

They broke through the entrance into a courtyard bathed in light. Just like last time, it took his breath away to see the sheer beauty of the place. He felt like he should be saluting or putting his hand on his heart or something. 

"This is the stone that Rodney activated," Teyla said, dropping to her knees beside it and pulling free one of Rodney's laptops from her backpack. She tapped at the keys confidently. "As he said, the inscription refers to the source of knowledge being within." She ran a gentle hand over the lines of naquadah. "These are so lovely, I can't imagine them being used for harmful purpose."

"Some of the best weapons are beautiful," John told her. 

She rolled her eyes at him. "You know that is not what I meant."

"Yeah." He sighed, then shrugged apologetically. "Sorry."

"What do you see?" she asked by way of acceptance.

"Nothing yet." John took a deep breath and stepped deliberately into the centre of the stone. When it didn't react, he sat down cross-legged. "Ok," he said. "Let’s light up this ride."

He closed his eyes, and thought _'On'_.

Instantly colours and images bloomed in his mind, the Ancient technology eagerly trying to offer him every option at once. He struggled to bring it all under control, grasping wildly at the first choice which came through with any clarity: Replay.

An instant later, he was in an echo of Rodney's head as _he_ shuffled through the interface with exhilarating speed. He could feel Rodney's elation as he saw the vast array of choices, and his glee at the one he ultimately chose: Revelation. 

Then the replay showed him what Rodney experienced next, and John understood. Everything.

* * *

**Part 3: Restoration**  
 _"If you think that's true, then you haven't been paying attention."_ \-- Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard

* * *

"That's quite the device we found on Ophalore," John said, striding purposefully into Rodney's quarters.

Rodney jumped at the unexpected sound, whirling and dropping the pile of clothes he was packing onto the floor. "What?" He paled and swayed. "You activated it? Are you _insane_?"

"According to you, yes, frequently." John pushed the suitcase onto the floor and sat on the bed, deliberately blocking Rodney from picking it up. "And yes, I activated it." He arched an eyebrow. "It does have the plans for building ZPMs, by the way. Or," he amended, "most of them."

"Excellent," Rodney recovered with a fake smile, some of the tension leaving his shoulders. He stooped to pick up the shirts he'd dropped. "I'm sure Radek will do a great job with them."

"It also kept a record, Rodney." John stared at him levelly.

Rodney put out a hand to steady himself against the wall. "A record," he echoed dully.

"Yeah." John took hold of his arm and pulled him to sit beside him on the bed. "Yeah, I saw it all."

"Then you saw," Rodney said flatly. "You saw…"  
"Yes," John said. "I did."

_'Logical path one', the interface told him helpfully as the images began to play in his mind. A fast-forward view of events, of a world where Rodney McKay had never joined the Atlantis expedition. The wormhole activated and personnel streamed through. Peter Kavanaugh, Chief of Science, marshalled the science staff to spread out through the gateroom, and Major John Sheppard stepped tentatively onto the platform and the city responded enthusiastically, welcoming her new visitors with a thrum of power. Colonel Sumner sent his marine squads to explore the city and secure the critical areas. Peter Grodin noticed the power drain on the city systems. Elizabeth set Kavanaugh to investigate the implications, which he set to doing with his best speed._

_The discovery of the hologram was fascinating, and they played her over and over. The marine teams continued to expand their search radius; power drained at an exponentially increasing rate. Even as the first portion of the shield failed and water trapped a marine squad in a watertight hallway, the failsafe triggered and the city rose from the ocean in a glittering spray of water like diamonds._

"If I hadn't been there, the failsafe would have triggered faster. Much faster." Rodney said bitterly. "No desperate hunt for an alternate address. No deaths from the slow shield collapse. "

"No Teyla," John interjected.

"No Wraith awakened early," Rodney said grimly. "No necklace activated, and Teyla's people avoid getting culled for years."

"Rodney…"

"Without the Athosians in the city, the energy creature isn't discovered. When the expedition encounters the Genii, there's no one looking at an energy detector, and they're taken at face value. No one attacks the city during the storm. Radek and Kavanaugh come up with the grounding stations on their own." The expression in Rodney's eyes is terrible to see. "No newly awakened Wraith means no hive ships searching for us. Peter Grodin doesn't die alone in a tin can in space." John could see the tears starting to well. "No Wraith attack on Atlantis, no deaths, Jesus, no _Ford_ …" Before they could fall, Rodney put his hands over his face. 

John slid off the bed to kneel in front of Rodney, hands on his knees. "Hey," he said thickly, his throat tight with unshed tears of his own. "Hey, you need to listen to me here." 

Rodney was taking deep, shuddering breaths. John gave him a shake.

"Are you listening?"

Rodney nodded jerkily.

"You're right, ok? You're right. If you hadn't realised what the power drain meant as fast as you did, then the teams would not have been pulled back, and we would have rerun the hologram until the failsafe triggered and the city rose." Rodney choked out something John couldn't hear and he held his knees tighter, fingers digging in to Rodney's thighs. "There are other places where someone slower, someone less smart would have taken longer to get to a solution and it would have given a better result. But Rodney, some of the results were _worse_."

Rodney still shook under his hands, but John thought he might be listening. "Without you, the exploration teams in the city find the ancient virus, but don't figure out how to knock it out. A lot of people died in quarantine, until the city decided that the virus was contained. And, that kid planet? The gate team never made it home from there, and the kids never stopped killing themselves off." 

Rodney shook his head stubbornly. 

"You should know that I ran the same option you did, for myself." John said conversationally, releasing the death grip he had on Rodney's legs and standing. "If I don’t join the expedition but you're here, it's close to the same result. We don't make friends with the Athosians, but the beacon isn't triggered and the Wraith don't wake. The city rises on her own, but no Wraith attack, no siege, no Peter Grodin, no Ford." He tried to smile, but it felt a lot more like a grimace. "Guess I shouldn't have come either, right?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Rodney snarled. "Without you, the city wouldn't even have lit up, let alone considering all of the times you saved our lives."

"Funnily enough, I called Carson and he gave it a shot, and you know what? If he didn't join the expedition, then no out of control drone, no coin toss, no Sheppard on the expedition either… and that means that the city doesn't light up automatically and the shield survives for over a week… long enough for you to figure out how to tie in the naquadah generators and lift the city without the failsafe entirely." He laughed grimly. "I guess we'd be better off without him." Desperation was making his hands shake.

"John…"

John found himself facing the wall of Rodney's diplomas. So many accomplishments.

"And then there's that other thing."

Rodney sounded weary. "What other thing?"

"If you hadn't come, well," he raised a finger to trace the lines of the calligraphy on Rodney's Ph.D. "Then, despite Radek's efforts and Kavanaugh's suggestion to blow open the doors and vent the atmosphere… I would have died in a jumper two weeks into the expedition with an Iratus bug on my neck."

Rodney's breath stopped.

"I don't actually care about that," John said earnestly to the diploma. "I just wanted you to know it. Because I've always known it."

Rodney's hand was on his shoulder.

"I can't let you leave, Rodney. Not because the expedition needs you, though I'd argue that with anyone, anytime." The hand on his shoulder was turning him, and he said the last sentence staring into Rodney's eyes from inches away. "It's because I need you. If you leave, my world ends."

"You died?" Rodney was ghost-pale, his freckles standing out starkly. "That's… Just." He flailed for words. "Unacceptable."

"So is your leaving." John lifted his hands to Rodney's face. "Not everything can be broken down into equations and formulae, you know that. Our value here isn't about the numbers. It's about the people." 

Rodney blinked. "Oh," he said softly. "I didn't… When did this happen?"

"It's been here all along," John admitted, adrenaline sending a shiver through him as Rodney looked at him as if he'd never seen him before. He gathered his courage and kept his eyes open; he let Rodney see everything, all of it.

Rodney tightened his grip on John's shoulder, then slid his hand up to cup the back of John's neck. His fingers were warm and strong and everything John had ever wanted. He shuddered with the sensation, with the relief of it.

Rodney leaned his forehead against John's. "I don’t know what to do with what it showed me," he confessed in a whisper that feathered breath over John's lips. "People died because I did everything the best way I could – because I did things right."

John kissed him. "No," he said when he could breathe again. "People died _despite_ you doing everything right." 

Rodney slid his arms around John's back, holding him tightly. "How do I know it won't happen again?"

"You don't." John buried his nose in Rodney's neck.

"Then what do I do? I'm not… I'm not used to uncertainty."

"You stay here with me." John smiled. "You do the math." He nibbled the soft skin over the junction of collarbone and shoulder.

"Which math is that?" Rodney managed to ask through the resulting shivers.

John pulled away so he could look at him. "You plus me," he said seriously. "Equals everything."

"That's a result I can believe in," Rodney said.

"You better." John kissed him again. It was even better than the first time. "Stay, Rodney, please."

"Of course I'll stay," Rodney said firmly. "After all," his eyes gleamed, "I'm invaluable."

"You are," John said, "to me."

End.


End file.
